no — not ever

no — not ever.
the horror,
the terror,
of loneliness
is nothing, but
for the insight
that it is
ontological.

blue-gray city,
looking across
the harbor,
the steel,
sky, and waves
all seem
the same color.

stern faces,
serious adults,
so concerned about
some result,
so willing
to punish to
make it happen.

a hawk’s wings,
against sky blue,
a brown, red,
blue, and white
camouflaged
cornucopia of
multi-colored corn.

a proud, war-worn
face, 1940s cropped
hair, jaw raised
defiantly, vainly.

it’s mine!
no it isn’t!
you’ve had enough!
no i haven’t!

on the edges
of the party,
there was
a funeral.

Advertisements

biking home

aquatic nights
streetlights like embers
burning reflecting flashes,
washed over
with distorted waves of light,
shades of shadow eyes
under umbrellas
and trenchcoats
filing ‘way
in the darkness
like momentary showers
off tree leaves
in the wind
upon my face
upon my windows
defending
the sanctity of home,
actually quiet intensity,
nothing is so safe.

longing

longing
walking through
douglas furs
forest paths
ancient gothic
stone architecture
carved
into the rockface
oxidized copper
misty mossy
cavernous paths
entwining stairs
darkness peering out
onto stone balconies
overlooking
mountainous
river valley vista;
another
was always there
beloved woman
saddened
about her son
or about me
or relieved
at our escape
of something;
like others
like us
our age
we sat
atop and amidst
those vistas
and felt
our miseries
and ecstasies;
old man yonder
sitting alone on the bench
watching
longing.

the wild wild sea

shimmer green
course
the grass-covered dunes
of wind-cascading brown
and white sand-glass
shimmers
all around
wildflowers red
ants scurrying
the dust
hurriedly
past crabs
and the roar
of misty blue
mystery
from foot to horizon
in-depth-inate
mirror
of from feathered grace
to violence
gliding
across-through
the sun-sitting
brown ground
shimmers.

fantasies allied with moments

brown spotted
endless ripples
green pillar
beneath the sun
on a plate
on my fork
the caring
for someone else
or perhaps the suffering
the caring
for something
nothing absolute
but from my perspective
it’s their perspective
some thoughts
feelings
patterns
waves of interference
with each other
and everything else
different fantasies
allied with
different moments
the current one
an infinite desert red
eternity of sand
and a single pueblo house
overarched
by midnight sky
a single wife
of the earth
hair darker
than the earth
the current flicker
of monistic eternity.

yellowed brown the face of learning

yellowed brown
the face
of learning
trying honestly
and small
moving
to keep warm
rainy dry
green blue
leaves overhung
my spotted vision
once gone
once away
once fled
into rome
for a day
i paid the rent
once more
again sinned
to call it
that again
my watches
of water called
and my words
the words of all
the streets i’ve walked
the halls down i’ve called
sunlit white façade
bluelit lacking shy
i honestly know not why
you turn your head away
from my mind
all mine, oh that’s why,
to relearn one’s own voice,
the texture of black
writing your delusions
slow on a sack
of intellect spilled deep
and far, but not wide,
there is no more to hide
since we called
your home phone
and caught you at home
watching yourself
watching us all
the all-ready there
placate the mind bare
found walking on
shadows of gardens most fair
your hair was not
the fall of water i’d hoped
nor nose the right shape
nor mouth right hook
but who called the gods
those self-centered dogs
presiders o’er pagents
and moralless hogs
fogs creep their stage over
w wittely humid
their image their face
and that face a hood
don’t be so you
and i won’t be so me
but i’m just speaking
of my wants there to be
another me but better
a craving i watch
stroll down the halls
with eye-squinted clutch
of my throat of my eyes
of my arms and mouth
what wall did crash down
what words ring aloud
crying
crying sobbing
lurching
heaving
outpouring
years of long debt
i decay tomorrow today
it’ll all be alright
please let it all be ok.