“I have no never-again, I have no always. In the sand\ victory abandoned its footprints.\ I am a poor man willing to love his fellow men.\ I don’t know who you are. I love you. I don’t give away thorns,\ and I don’t sell them…” (Neruda, LXXVIII in “100 Love Sonnets”).

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called, closed, together today…

called
closed
together today
tonight
away
forever
not never
she waited
for me to speak
without words
together
with you
forever
not never
a song
came to mind
not mine
of a bird
flying away
into the night
butterfly
of wings blue
speckled red
your face
like the dead
warning
together
not never
forever
assimilated
closed off
in fear
a man
lying in an african field
brown patterend shirt
fearing animal attack
cloudless sky
pillars
greek
santorini islands
deep blue sea
a young woman’s dress
flowing behind her
like a a tattered sail
she walks barefoot
towards a middle aged man
smiling
embrace
holding hands

the mind imagines stability

The mind
imagines
imposes
stability
on an ocean
of momentary
flickering moments,
like the frames
of a movie
seen as ‘motion’
of ‘matter’
in ‘time’;
sensation
plays the eyes
for the eager mind
and the algorithms
that once
produced an outcome
are applied again
and again
and adapted
until successful,
becoming
an ever more refined
actor in the
mind-extrapolated
plot
according to the
mind-extrapolated
agenda.
I once saw
something I loved,
then it turned
in an unfavorable light
and I
could no longer
conscionably
love that
hideous thing
as myself,
so I became
something hideous
and now
I can love it again…
for the moment.
We are
an unutterable
present annihilation.
We
remember the past
and
imagine the future;
there is no time…
just the present,
which itself also
is barely mnemically
removed from
the actual present.

grandeur, tonality, judgment…

grandeur
tonality
judgment
invocation
agreement
viciousness
calloused
judgmental
evaluative
perusing
causational
formative
operative
constructive
abstruse
longing
yearning
lusting
craving
colding
holding
which way is best
closet
folding
germane
scolding love
my hosed
holding
mane
folding
balancing
excitement
pleasure
contusion
monstrosity
veracity
resting arms
lonely eyes
swarms
pastels gentle
smile
like the wind
beautiful
waiting
blown away
frail leaf
flicker
of sunlight
your existence
come again
then gone
breaking stone hearts
he worried
about himself
again
scornful face
unchangeable
unconstant
unseeming
he forgave
the lies
we told ourselves
our thoughts
and the trees
golden rustled
in muddy green
daily girl
perennial smile
unfaked
informed
weathered
right place
right size
gentle mother
loving gentle.

platonic sickness

if i
only lived
before i live
i might
do right
the next
ten years
before falling
really in love,
living
really at home,
really
with my family;
i might look
at the million hers
with less purpose
and more ease
and she might
look the same,
not yet tired
or indebted
or worried
about
regretted unaccomplishments.
for a second
her image flickered
in my head
half unconscious
and I but shadows
remember
though I run
mental marathons
to re-paint
the picture
theorem in the fire
of consciousness;
i have dreamed
that face
for nearly ten years,
growing with me
yet unavailable
a message
a fantasy
or an ideal
at whom
with whom
i stare
through others
our minds
the same
inseparable knife
through
a fabric of mind
spacetime
i would
know you
even
if i didn’t
see you
feel you
as in of me
a mirror
within patterns
reorganized
and called
the life of me
my mind
you were
were you
but here
i gaze
at your face
in pieces.