i’ll sit here and write nothing…

i’ll sit here
and write nothing
for the millionth time
again,
no category
to fill,
no silence
my refuge
oh sweetness
with no loving words
to speak
i still ask questions
and live without knowing
of knowing anything,
one more
lucidly insane day,
one more
dream,
fulfillment is elsewhere
nowhere to speak of–
shocked
around a corner
all my apprehension
flying back,
so hot
so knotted
obscuring
clear thinking
if that can be
called thinking at all,
look away
keep walking
out of sight
fall to lean
eyes closed
around
a single
wall’s turn,
i almost want you
to come
and find me
but am too terrified
to think on it
for more
than a moment…
oh just relax
it’ll be ok,
the awkwardness
and fear
makes both worse…
probably,
“the waiting
is the hardest part” (tom petty).

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